A rock and a hard place.

This past week I have been in a black hole. 
By black hole, I mean a dark place. 
A dark place on 2012 Motherhood Lane.
And I wish I could see the street light at the end of the road, but I can't. 
I can't see anything.
[so, i'll probably stub my toe or step on a lego.]

This dark place is filled with the unknown and change. 
Change I am unfamiliar with. Change that isn't settling well within me. 
A change in my sixteen month old that is mind boggling to me.
I feel sad, hurt and lost. I have never felt like this before. 
I am trying to figure out why this change happened,
but I know that there is no answer besides the fact that he is growing.
 He is not a baby anymore. He is a testy little toddler. 
He used to be sweet and cuddly, now he hits and barely notices when I am in the room. 
What did I do? Why doesn't he like me? 
I am his Momma. I love him more than life. I like to cuddle with him. 
Why? Why? Why? 

These are the continuous thoughts running through my head. 
Then, I smack myself around a bit and realize that he is growing up.
He has found himself. His independence, his freedom, his love for other things. 
He doesn't need me, in a sense. He is capable of doing things on his own. 
But I imagine that every mother goes through this and feels the same way I do.

I just wish it was easy. I wish it didn't hurt my heart. 
I miss my baby boy. 

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