This past week I have been in a black hole.
By black hole, I mean a dark place.
A dark place on 2012 Motherhood Lane.
And I wish I could see the street light at the end of the road, but I can't.
I can't see anything.
[so, i'll probably stub my toe or step on a lego.]
This dark place is filled with the unknown and change.
Change I am unfamiliar with. Change that isn't settling well within me.
A change in my sixteen month old that is mind boggling to me.
I feel sad, hurt and lost. I have never felt like this before.
I am trying to figure out why this change happened,
but I know that there is no answer besides the fact that he is growing.
He is not a baby anymore. He is a testy little toddler.
but I know that there is no answer besides the fact that he is growing.
He is not a baby anymore. He is a testy little toddler.
He used to be sweet and cuddly, now he hits and barely notices when I am in the room.
What did I do? Why doesn't he like me?
I am his Momma. I love him more than life. I like to cuddle with him.
Why? Why? Why?
These are the continuous thoughts running through my head.
Then, I smack myself around a bit and realize that he is growing up.
He has found himself. His independence, his freedom, his love for other things.
He doesn't need me, in a sense. He is capable of doing things on his own.
But I imagine that every mother goes through this and feels the same way I do.
Right?
I just wish it was easy. I wish it didn't hurt my heart.
I miss my baby boy.
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